Who ever thinks it will be the last time they see their loved one? Usually nobody. Death often comes like a thief in the night, without warning.
Scary stuff? You bet. That’s why it’s so important to get right with God.
A friend of mine lost a good friend over the weekend, probably only 40 years old. Just like that. We had spent time together, all of us, just a few years ago… So it was a shock to me, too. Only God knows the number of our days, or what our purpose in this life really is. Seek Him. Talk to Him. One more example that you just never know. Nobody does. But God does.
Every night, like tonight, I walk down the hallway to check on the boys, and I pass by Gavin’s room… and my heart breaks a little that he isn’t there. But his bed still is. The memories are all still in that room, too… I miss him. So many nights of stories and prayers… and love.
In a matter of minutes, I hug him with my mind and with my heart and I tell him how much I miss him. How much I love him and always will. I remember that last week before he died, how hopeful I was that he had turned a corner and was getting better, and how he kissed me on the lips and told me he loved me numerous times and how I remember looking at him and wondering why he was doing this now, so sweetly and often, all of a sudden. Neither one of us knew it, but he was saying goodbye. God knew something we didn’t, and He was giving us both a precious gift. God knew. I see now that He knew.
I kiss both the boys and make sure they’re tucked in, thankful they are healthy today, thankful FOR today, and walk back down the long hallway to our room. I’m thankful for some quiet time alone with God, to just say goodnight and tell him I love Him, too. That I trust Him.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I didn’t know that night would be the last time I tucked Gavin into bed. But I’m so glad I always gave him all I had. I loved him so much, and I showed him every day. I told him every day. Now, I miss him every day, and I always will. Don’t ever miss telling your kids or your spouse how much you love them or how much they mean to you. You never know what will happen in life no matter what. But God knows.
I’m sure that if I knew back then what I know now, Gavin would still be here. He’d be alive. But I didn’t. And for whatever God’s reasons are, this is how it was meant to be. I’m not supposed to judge people, and that goes for judging myself, too. I’m sad, but trying to be thankful in all things… because that’s what God wants me to do. Trust Him. Never stop praying, but trust Him for the outcome. That’s hard, isn’t it? To not fear God’s will, whatever it is, even when it may not be what you want? It takes faith and courage. Whether I trust Him or not, HE IS IN CHARGE.
So, I’m just trying to listen to God’s plan for me. Thankful that Gavin loved Jesus. I saw it in him. I know he is safe and loved. I feel it. As a parent, what more can we hope for? I look forward to seeing him again one beautiful day. Through Jesus that’s possible, and for that I’m so thankful. Teaching our children to love Jesus is the ultimate insurance policy, isn’t it? The best we can ever get. Not teaching them about Jesus is leaving them at risk, because you never know what tomorrow brings, or tonight for that matter.
Money isn’t worth anything… and life on earth is fleeting… but God is forever.
Good night all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is Spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and truth.