My heart is for some reason very heavy today. Tears right behind my eyes, and at times flowing down my cheeks. Reading and writing and sharing all this information that is so true and helpful, yet realizing that it didn’t resonate with even me, in time to save my precious Gavin’s life. I miss him. Flat out. I miss him so much. Everything about him, in every way. I know God revealed to me what He wanted me TO UNDERSTAND, when He wanted me to understand it… but oh, it was so close. I was so close. God doesn’t want me to be mad at myself, yet that is my human struggle sometimes. Especially with this. There is no going back in time. I won’t see him again in this life. It does terrible, gut-wrenching things to a mother… let me tell you. My heart breaks for what I didn’t see so clearly until after he was no longer with me. Yet the answer was right in front of my face with that post I’d posted in early February 2012 (which I just reposted this morning).
My heart is heavy for all the suffering I see of others with children fighting cancer and horrible illnesses, who I would love to help, and into whose mother’s shoes I could so easily place my own feet… and see that they likely will have the same outcome as I did. And for the same reasons. There are people close to me with chronic conditions who must read what I say, yet never say a peep to me about it and probably don’t change what they do either, because they’re good “doing what their doctor says”… and there are people far away who write to me and call me because they see so clearly what I am saying is the truth. They want to know what I know, and what would I do differently now that I see things so clearly? Because they see themselves going down the same pathway. All the while, being told by people in white coats that they’re doing ‘what they should’. Their entire way of thinking will need to be changed to make the big difference they need in their child’s life and circumstances. THEIR ENTIRE WAY OF THINKING. Can it really be changed in time? Only God knows. Therefore sometimes, what good is having seen the truth if you are not in a position to do anything about it? The quicksand of the “well respected” “all-knowing” and ever prevalent medical establishment is running the show. Everywhere. And quicksand is exactly what it is.
The deception is everywhere, the truth is right in front of our eyes… but we don’t see it.
Same with the Bible. The whole thing. Both Old AND New Testaments. Get off the social conditioning and see the truth for yourselves! That is my prayer today. Please Lord, hear my prayer.
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But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. – Job 23:10